Helping Students Cope with Pet Loss
Pets can enrich the lives of children – they are playmates, friends and sources of unconditional love. They teach responsibility, compassion and caring for another living creature. However, due to the shorter lifespan of most pets, many children will also experience the loss that comes with their pet’s death.
Although difficult, pet loss can also be an opportunity for children to learn valuable lessons about death, grief, coping and the healthy expression of empathy.
Understanding Grief
Grief is the natural emotional response to loss. The stronger the attachment to a person, animal, place, or object, the more difficult it can be to let go. Learning to cope with grief and the emotions that it comes with in healthy ways is important for mental and physical health – and developing these skills at a young age can support lifelong resilience.
Frank Ascione, developmental psychologist and renowned researcher of the human-animal bond, acknowledges that “the loss of a pet… is not only an emotionally wrenching event for a child but also an opportunity to learn the appropriate expression of grief and mourning.” He adds that sensitive parents can facilitate this process by validating the children’s sense of loss. As teachers, we can also help support a positive learning process by being compassionate and encouraging appropriate expression of grief.
Why Pet Loss Can Feel Different
For some children, grief from the loss of a pet can feel as strong as the loss of a relative. The grief response will vary depending on factors such as the age of the student, level of attachment and support systems present. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to determine the strength of the human-animal bond and predict the subsequent level of grief that is likely to occur. Therefore, it is important to support all children through this process as much as possible.
A recent study (2020) by Massachusetts General Hospital found that the death of a family pet can cause deep and lasting grief in children, sometimes leading to mental health challenges. “One of the first major losses a child will encounter is likely to be the death of a pet, and the impact can be traumatic, especially when that pet feels like a member of the family,” said Katherine Crawford, the study’s lead author. Researchers emphasized the importance of parents and professionals to take children’s emotional responses seriously, rather than dismissing them.
A lack of understanding or support from family, friends and classmates can also increase the grief response. Comments such as “it’s just a pet” or “you can just get a new one” can impair the grieving process. As David Balk, researcher of thanatology (scientific study of death) explains, “Our society often minimizes child-pet relationships and thus fails to adequately support children’s bereavement over these important losses. Well-intentioned caregivers or teachers often lack the necessary information and guidance for assisting children as they maneuver through this special type of bereavement.”
What Teachers Can Do
- Encourage Open Expression: Let students talk about their feelings. Simply listening with patience and understanding can be powerful and will help to validate the students’ feelings.
- Observe for Changes: Watch for any changes in behaviour – such as trouble focusing, withdrawal, irritability, etc. These can be signs that something is going on and more could be done to help the student cope.
- Communicate Concerns: If you do notice any concerning changes in a student, let the school administration, counselor and parents/guardians know. Communication with the trusted adults in their lives is important in ensuring your student is supported.
- Offer Creative Outlets: Suggest students express their feelings through art, writing, or creating a memorial.
- Model compassion: students learn more about behaviour from what you do than what you say. If the topic of loss and grief comes up, discuss it with compassion and understanding, normalizing that everyone experiences it differently.
- Use Books and Stories: Share books about pet loss, even before a loss occurs. Discuss the positive ways that the characters in the stories are dealing with their grief and ways to be supportive of others going through grief.
Final Thoughts
Children may grieve deeply when they lose a beloved pet. While you may not always know the right words, your compassion, attention, and willingness to talk about loss can make a lasting difference. When students feel safe sharing their emotions, they’re more likely to heal and grow from even the hardest experiences.
Books on Pet Loss
Click on a book cover above for accompanying discussion questions and activities. For additional animal-themed books, dealing with a number of different themes, reviewed through an animal welfare lens, visit the Books with Animals section of our website!
Resources:
Ascione, F.R. (2005). Children & Animals: Exploring the Roots of Kindness & Cruelty. West Lafayette, Indiana: Purdue
Balk, D. (2010). Children’s Encounters with Death, Bereavement, and Coping. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company
Frank, J. (n.d). How to help your child cope with the loss of a pet. Retrieved from http://cpancf.com/articles_files/art_26attached_file.pdf
Jarolmen, J. (1998). A comparison of grief reaction of children and adults: Focusing on pet loss and bereavement. Omega, 37, 133-150
Williams, B.R. (2014). How to deal with grief. [webinar]